The Democratic Party is Out of Touch

The Great Rebranding: From “Working Class” to “Woke Class”

Remember when Democrats were the party of unions, steelworkers, and Main Street? Ah, nostalgia! That era is as dead as the five-cent nickel. The Democratic Party is out of touch with ordinary voters and has successfully completed its radical re-branding, replacing the “working class” with the “academically certified, perpetually anxious, and deeply invested in the nuances of semiotics” class.

The common folk, bless their hearts, are apparently still preoccupied with things like inflation, gas prices, and whether their local hospital is still open. How delightfully quaint! The party leadership, meanwhile, is deep in the weeds, passionately debating the optimal pronoun usage for a fictional character in a streaming-service special.

It’s a masterclass in prioritization: when the economy is sputtering, pivot hard to cultural lexicon engineering. It’s the political equivalent of rearranging the deck chairs while humming a complex, progressive sea shanty.

Policy as Performance Art

The legislative agenda now reads less like a governing document and more like an elaborate syllabus for a mandatory, four-year, university-level seminar on intersectionality. Every proposal is so precisely tailored to appeal to the most ideologically fervent, online-engaged base that it leaves the actual, messy majority—the people who vote—gasping for air.

Take, for instance, the recent push for regulations that would effectively outlaw the sale of any appliance that doesn’t require a PhD to operate. It’s for the planet, you see! Sure, your toaster might now run on cold fusion and require an annual software update, but the planet is saved—and that’s what truly matters when you’re trying to explain to your suburban swing voter why their electric vehicle is stuck charging for six hours because the local grid can’t handle it.

It’s not a failure; it’s a teachable moment! And it’s another shining example of how the Democratic Party is out of touch with real-world priorities and manages to turn governing into performance art.

The Iron Law of Online Outrage

The greatest innovation of this new Democratic coalition is the Iron Law of Online Outrage: if a policy or statement doesn’t generate immediate, hyperbolic condemnation from the party’s most vocal social media contingent, it hasn’t been radical enough.

Moderation is the new treason. Any suggestion of compromise is instantly branded as “caving to the far-right,” which, of course, is any position that doesn’t involve dismantling capitalism before Tuesday. This internal purity spiral ensures that the Democratic Party is out of touch with common sense and continues to drift ever further from the center, leaving the average voter staring into the void and wondering, “Who are these people, and why do they hate my gas stove?”

So, congratulations to the Democratic Party is out of touch with Earth’s gravitational pull. They have expertly distilled their message down to a potent, highly concentrated dose of progressive ideology—so pure, so intense, that only about 15% of the country can actually stomach it without immediately reaching for a glass of lukewarm tap water and muttering something about how things were “better when gas was cheap.”

Keep reaching for the stars, folks! Just try not to alienate everyone who still lives on Earth while you’re up there.